Whirl wind trip to Utah...

How do you know what the right thing to do is. Sometimes in life we are presented with two right choices. When do you know as a parent what the best thing for your child really is. How do you know if you say "no" then you are potentially hurting him more and if you say "yes" then you are potentially hurting him more? At this point I would usually say thank heaven for the Temple and the answer to prayers. Which I feel is completely true. It is then facing the answers that you received.

We have some big decisions coming up about Emmett and his reflux, swallowing, chewing and just all around eating habits. I was desperate to get to the Temple to get some answers or just feel comforted before going in front of all the doctors. So on Saturday I was able to attend the Temple and I just had a calming feeling and the answer that Dr. Downey (our surgeon in Utah) would have the answers of what needed to happen to Emmett. Is that calming, I am not sure, but either way I felt at peace.

Well yesterday, Scott, Emmett and I flew to Utah (in and out in one day) to meet with Dr. Downey and discuss our options and make a game plan. The night before we left I was feeling all kinds of anxiety of the unknown. As we are meeting with Dr. Downey, he came into the room with a cool question asking attitude. He sat on the chair next to me, drew pictures for Scott and I to understand, and then he spoke words that made me giddy like a girl. He said, "I don't think it would be in Emmett's best interest to have this surgery right now. He has too many other complications going on with his eating and swallowing that it may undo the surgery I do. I am not saying that we don't need to watch this and maybe address at a later date, but for now we should wait. But I do want to send him to x-ray for an Upper GI." I quickly asked that if the GI showed something, would he change his mind. He reassured me that he probably wouldn't.

Okay so we left the hospital to head to another hospital for the Upper GI, as we walked out I felt my posture a little straighter, my breathing was a little deeper and a sigh of relief filled my body. As we drove, Scott and I talked, I couldn't help but feel so blessed to have gone to the Temple and feel the peace and comfort. To be reassured that there is a Heavenly Father who knows ME and MY FAMILY's situation, and helps me to feel comfort. Scott then asked me, "Hey I never did ask you what your answer was after going to the Temple". This is when you should remember that Pride cometh before the Fall. I got giddy and said, "Dr. Downey would have the answers of what needed to happen to Emmett. How great is that Scott that his answer was the same feelings that you and I also had."

How often does this happen, in my life - NEVER!!! Well and soon it will be that NEVER remains the consistent answer in my life. So we go about the rest of our day, head to the hospital for Emmett's Upper GI. During the test, the radiologist lets me know that he has refluxed 3 times in 1 minute. Abnormal is 5 times in 3 minutes, so Emmett has already beat the abnormal category. The radiologist couldn't confirm if Emmett was aspirating into his lungs during those refluxes or not. The test finished we go visit some friends before our plane ride home.

Just finished a nice visit with one of my best friends, when I received a call from Dr. Downey. All I can recall from the beginning of the conversation is, "Mrs. Morgan, Emmett's Upper GI was incredibly bad. Significantly worse than the one he had a year ago. Emmett is not going to out grow this reflux and I think it would be in his best interest to have the surgery and to place a feeding tube in." I am sorry, WHAT?????????? I lost my breath for a minute. I couldn't speak. I couldn't put the phone on speaker at that moment either for Scott to hear. We had just stopped by a restaurant in Lehi, UT called "Emmett & Ethel's". They were giving away a free meal to those named Emmett or if you knew someone named Emmett. Of course we had to stop. Dr. Downey called while Emmett was having his picture taken for the restaurant's wall.

Back to the phone call. Dr. Downey and the radiologist were flabbergasted to say the least of Emmett's Upper GI. They couldn't believe the volume of reflux that was coming up his throat. Emmett even has reflux coming up while he is trying to swallow food/liquid down. Poor guy. I started to feel complete guilt and then comfort at the same time. Comfort that Heavenly Father answered our prayers while I attended the Temple. Dr. Downey would have the answers of what needed to happen to Emmett. A hard thing to swallow at first, but as time has progressed the overwhelming peace of Emmett needs to have this surgery. Then incredible amounts of guilt. Guilt for the fact that I wasn't on board for Emmett to have this surgery. Guilt for the fact that I was feeling overwhelmed with my life. Guilt for the fact that my sweet little Emmett has been suffering with such severe acid reflux for 23 months now. What kind of mom........

Dr. Downey also wants to put a feeding tube in Emmett when doing his surgery. I am having a hard time with this request. Dr. Downey is worried that during Emmett's recovery he won't get the amount of nutrition he needs with just oral feedings. Especially since his oral feedings are a complete struggle right now, with choking, swallowing, and vomiting. So now Scott and I have a lot of information to process and decisions to make. I know that God hears and answers prayers and he will direct Scott and I to know the right thing to do for Emmett.

This is Emmett crashing in the rental car after his busy morning of airplane ride, doctor visit, and an Upper GI. Sweet Sweet Emmett.






Here is Emmett the day after happy to be back at home and in his own environment!