You're Not Alone

Was the theme of our enrichment Tuesday night. We had an incredible speaker, Carleen Tanner. She spoke to us last year on self esteem. I was very excited to hear what she had to share with us this evening about, "You're Not Alone".

The question was asked, "What does it mean to you to feel alone?" Here are my thoughts on being alone.

Here’s a little song to help you get along.
It will see you through when you’re feeling blue.
And though it’s not profound when you’re feeling down, so down,
Sing this little tune, and you’ll feel better soon.
You’re not alone, even when you’re feeling on your own,
You are loved in ways that can’t be shown; your needs are known;
You’re not alone.
And when you cry, you’re just letting go of heartache deep inside,
And tomorrow there’ll be sunshine and sky and love close by;
You’re not alone.
And we know that it’s not easy, but we know that it won’t last,
’cause one that loves you more than me is sending blessings fast.
You’re not alone, say it one more time,
“I’m not alone,”
And even when it’s hard to find the words, our prayers are heard;
We’re not alone.
You’re not alone.
by Michael McLean

Each of our needs at this particular moment are ours alone. In this desire to somehow connect with our very individual lives, I began to think about something that every human being experiences—something that we usually see as negative—that we would avoid if we could. Sometimes we tell ourselves that no one else suffers from this as we do, or sometimes in an effort to control it, we tell ourselves that we simply do not experience it. That something is called fear.

I have lots of worries—"What will I say, how should I act, will they judge me for who I am? Will my kids be accepted or looked over because of me?"

I am sure there are lots of things others "fear" just like me.

As I read the scriptures, I find that fear has been a part of the history of individuals ever since the world began. I can even imagine that in the preexistence, when the two plans were presented, some may have chosen Satan’s plan because of fear—the fear of leaving the presence of the Father with no guarantee that we would return. Satan perhaps played on those fears by assuring that with his plan, all would return.

I can imagine how frightening it must have been for Adam and Eve, who had lived with complete security—friendly animals, plenty to eat, no opposition from nature—to suddenly be cast into a world where survival itself must have been a constant fear.

Why is fear part of earth life?

Perhaps Heavenly Father’s greatest hope is that through our fears we may choose to turn to him. The uncertainties of earth life can help to remind us that we are dependent on him. But that reminder is not automatic. It involves our agency. We must choose to take our fears to him, choose to trust him, and choose to allow him to direct us. We must make these choices when what we feel most inclined to do is to rely more and more on our own frantic and often distorted thinking.

As we try to live his commandments and pray to him, there are things he will direct us to do that will help calm our fears. Sometimes these actions require courage and direction from the Holy Ghost. The Holy Ghost may help us to understand when and with whom we should share our fears. He will support us as we face our fears and try to do things that we have never done before.

Sister Tanner made a good point, "As women, we like to please others—sometimes seeking approval so frantically that we become torn and confused by the conflicting needs of those around us. Concentrating on pleasing Heavenly Father brings peace, a respite from fear and anxiety. We should think of that, the next time we are asked to perform in church, or visit an inactive sister, or watch another sister's children: “I only need to worry about pleasing the Lord.” I think some of our fears will evaporate. The prophet David said: “The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?” (Ps. 27:1.) "

Vincent van Gogh, a famous painter said, “I am always doing what I can’t do yet in order to learn how to do it.” A large part of conquering daily fear is simply doing things that we don’t know how to do—yet.

Are there things I don’t know how to do yet, that I am doing anyway? What about trying to make friends in the ward? What about sharing my feelings of fear with others even though it feels scary and is hard to do?

I feel like I gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which I really stop to look fear in the face. Even though it is scary and at times I get put down by others, talked about, and judged. I made the effort and the Lord has blessed me with the strength and courage to look another fear in the face and begin again.

As I concentrate on pleasing the Lord rather than others and continue to work hard, doing the things I don’t know how to do yet, I experience personal growth. This faith assures me that I will not only survive but I will know great joy and happiness.

Sister Tanner made an interesting point about all we need to know is in the story of Noah's Ark:

1. Don't miss the boat
2. We're all in the same boat
3. Be prepared
4. Stay fit
5. Don't listen to critics
6. Travel in pairs
7. Two heads are better than one
8. Build future on high ground
9. Fast isn't best
10. Float
11. The Ark was built by amateurs. The Titanic was built by professionals.

Some other interesting points Sister Tanner made:

• Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass, but learning how to dance in the rain.
• It isn't about the storm-it's about staying focused on the Lord.
• We will all have trials because Heavenly Father loves us.
• If we feel alone it's because we left Him, He didn't leave us.

To answer the first question about feeling alone and why do we feel that way. The answer in my head and a whisper to my dear friend Deidra, was "the judgement of others". Occasionally I will have a really downer day (or few days, or week!) I feel discouraged and usually not good enough in so many aspects of my life. I fear the judgement of others, not so much individually, but judged in a group setting with the conversation taken out of context.
"WHY - WHY DO I CARE?" President Spencer W. Kimball’s talk “Beware of Pride.” discusses how pride can be a “I’m better than thou” feeling or a “I’m not as good as so-and-so” feeling. My favorite quote from the talk is the following: “There is, however, a far more common ailment among us—and that is pride from the bottom looking up. It is manifest in so many ways, such as faultfinding, gossiping, backbiting, murmuring, living beyond our means, envying, coveting, withholding gratitude and praise that might lift another, and being unforgiving and jealous.”
Sis Tanner told us, “Satan doesn’t care how much or how little you think of yourself, just that you think of yourself.” I loved that! When I start feeling discouraged, I start comparing myself to others and I start thinking that I am not good enough or that no one can possibly understand what I am going through. The cure to this is service. That’s when we start forgetting ourselves and when the Spirit again testifies to us that we are good enough and that we have a purpose here.
I learned a valuable lesson tonight, that I knew, but let fear rule me. When you are focused on pleasing the Lord, nothing else matters. What matters is doing things that we don’t know how to do—yet.